And then January suddenly approaches and the New year begins.
waving good bye to 2017 and looking back at the good things it gave...
For a few years now Ive decided not to start the year with New year promises/lists...I find taking each day as it comes suits me better. And if I do something I'm proud of its a lovely surprise instead.
This year has started with a little 'growing up' and 'accepting' certain things. One huge step is Sophia as it will be her last primary school year and after the Summer she will begin Secondary school. I guess the 'accepting' the change and 'growing up' is the bit I am slowly getting my head around. I know Its not quite what I had in plan for her with the school choice, but she has decided to go to a school that is close to her father and that is her 1st choice secondary school. I know I will still see her and I'm still her mother...and a part of me feels awfully selfish to even think she should want what I want. So it is a slow process of getting my head and heart to 'accept' change and change that is good its just taking me a while to get that into focus. She is Confident, Bright, very intelligent and has always seemed grown up for her years. We had a very big discussion a few months back, there were tears, arguments and huge hugs...But we talked and talked it through, I listened and she listened...I told her my worries, anxiety and love for her...and she gave me her opinions, needs and wants...It is Soooo important to talk to your children. I learnt how much she has grown up. And she knows all I want is the best for her. I know she knows what is best for her and her future career path. I do trust her thought process and know she did not come to her decision lightly. But it almost feels like she will be flying the nest as so to speak. I will not see her as much in the week days...due to travel arrangements/distance. I guess when they are 17 years and off to college you have time to prepare?! But, she is 11 years and will be almost 12 in September. It will be hard for me to let her go....I am struggling with this part (we still have a few months before her school choice is sent out).
I guess that's why I am taking each day as it comes...Not putting to much pressure on myself. I think I have to give myself time to process everything without too much worry/anxiety. Motherhood is a very huge learning curve. But I do believe in the fact that not everything goes as planned and sometimes 'change' is good and things will work out well in the end (that's me trying to be positive anyway!?).
On the note of January blues...I try to fill my home with as many floral happy's as possible. We have had sooooo much rain...it can feel gloomy out there. But I find as long as I can see flowers I feel I can survive the grey outside. The gales have caused the garden to look thread bare and unloved. I had a bonfire a few nights back and it was lovely to sit out looking up at the stars on a very clear and calm night before the storm showers arrived.
A belated 'Happy New year 2018',
x K a z z y x