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Thursday, 28 June 2018

Time with Dad... Part two...


It was a whirl wind of a few weeks...But I got to spend five days with my father at Guy's Hospital, London. Sadly, he has been undergoing intense cancer treatments and has a mass of tumours covering his body. He is being a tower of strength despite everything. I  had not seen him in such a long time, too long...He lives on the east coast and I am on the west coast and I just couldnt afford the journeys, but myself and my twin managed to get a last minute B&B and took the megabus coach to keep costs low. London is so expensive!.  But I just didnt care I wanted to be my father's side and give him a well needed hug.  I was quite shocked to see him and all the weight he has lost. I held his hand and we talked of childhood memories...we laughed, we cried and we hugged a lot. The main thing is he's keeping strong and keeping positive. At the moment he has quite a lot of treatments going on and while he is undergoing that it completely takes his energy and leaves him wanting to sleep all the time.  But in the next 4 weeks we hope he will see signs of improvement. Cancer is a horrid thing it really is. But he might just beat it and we hope he can lead a as 'normal' life as possible. So, as you can imagine since I arrived back to Devon from London I was an emotional wreck!. Everything hit me like a ton of bricks...Also the intense guilt of leaving him on the ward and walking away...But its so hard when you have a family back home that need you and life goes on...I walked around for a whole week in some kind of daze...physically I felt exhausted.  It had been a tough few days. No one wants to see their Loved one in pain. But I needed that time with Dad. I've been on the phone to him everyday and getting regular updates... I'm hoping in the Summer Holidays before Sophia starts her Secondary school I can go and spend another week in London or at Dads home depending where he will be.  





On another note, Boy' it has been mega hot in Devon. I am not complaining...But i do love the sun when i'm in the shade. 
Until next time,

x    K a z z y    x

Thursday, 7 June 2018

From May to June...(part one)


Hello there from the sunny side of Devon...Its been a busy few months with family, School life and work. We've all been totally exhausted of late...Actually, I felt more tired after the half term break.  But today, I have given myself a good hour or so with Coffee cup in one hand laptop in the other to just catch up really...
I have had so much going on lately and one big thing laying on my mind is my Father's health. He is now undergoing treatment for a rare Cancer and been in Hospital in London for nearly three weeks. Its left us all as a family 'shaken' and with 'worry' of what lays a head for him. I speak on the phone to him nearly everyday. But I am on the west coast and he is on the east coast and with that I cannot just visit him and help him the best way I can/want to. I have felt so utterly filled with guilt and sadness.  My father and I are so close~ we have always had such a great relationship and I miss him greatly. And now he needs me more than ever...So as you can imagine its been a roller coaster of emotions lately...I pray so hard he responds to the treatment and can lead as 'normal life' as possible in the years to come...As long as my Father can paint, draw and be out walking the salt marshes and doing his bird counts for RSPB he is a happy soul...
My father taught us from a very early age to appreciate the seasons, wildlife and nature around us. He was a keen ornithologist, Illustrator of many Bird, Sea life books, sold his artwork for the Wildlife Trusts around the East Anglia coastline. Run conservation trips around the world. Designed popular Wildlife brochures and leaflets...and other achievements. His love of wild life runs deep in me...especially helps my mental health. I crave the outdoors, walking...taking a note of what the land has to offer and enjoying the seasons. My Father even ran a small wildlife rescue...Growing up we had a rescue fox that lived with us, barn owl and many small birds...I was always a 'wild' child at heart...
Lately, we have been doing a lot of walking and exploring the Devon and Cornwall Coastline and Country...Its helped me 'escape' from some real 'low eb' moments. To just breath in the sea air for an hour or so has been just the tonic to de-stress.

(  Slapton Sands ) 



( Mount Edgecumbe ~National Trust country Park and Coast)

'Out of the Dark come the Light'...


'Forget-me-not'...be blue and beautiful.


'Blooming Blooms'

(church yard bluebells)


The sun light has filled the kitchen through May to June...


The Tulips, Sweet William and and roses have filled the home with sent and colour...

('Rising Sun' Cornwall...Along the river path)

I have so many photos from my phone and camera...So I think I will have to do a part two.

The Sunshine and blue skies has really come at the best possible time for me...
I hope you have been enjoying it too.

x   K a z z y   x




Thursday, 8 March 2018

The Beasty from the Easty...


It is quite amazing what the weather had brought us in such a short space of time...The school's were closed because of it and getting food and supplies seemed like a huge task!...It all started with quite a funny weather report about 'The beast from the east'~ We laughed at the time...We were not quite prepared for what lay a head...I walked Sophia to school on the Thursday morning in a hale/rain/sleet blizzard!~ we couldnt keep our eye's open...Then at 2pm I had a text from the school to pick the kids up before the snow storm arrived around 3pm...well, It was all quite calm at 2pm...But after half an hour of a walk it all dramatically changed.
A huge black cloud fell over our small Dartmoor town and the snow came in buckets!...The ice on the paths was dangerous and we walked like penguins to not slip over...We couldn't see out of our eye's again and I do not know how we made the walk up the slippery ice hill home. My partner was trying to get home from his work early as they'd all been sent home to. The snow and ice was a lot worse across the moor roads~ I was worried for his life~ That does sound dramatic but it really was that 'hellish'...He had cars swerving across the roads in the ice!...sooo dangerous. We were lucky to just need to make it home by walking i would of cried if i was in the car!. My partner said the snow fell so quickly across his windscreen he could hardly see in front of him and at one point he pulled over and almost left his car at the side of the road to walk home. We hardly ever get snow in the west country...Quite rare indeedy. I don't think i will ever wish for it again like I did just after Christmas. I always think how beautiful the landscape is with snow. But if you have to drive to work in it its not a good thing at all.  So my rosey tinted spec's came off. I was so happy to give my partner a hug and know he was safe despite him looking quite shaken after an hour drive! He left his car safely on the main road and walked our hill home. We sat and watched the snow fall from our cottage~ safe and snug inside.  Sophia hadn't seen snow like it before~ she was about 2 years when we last had quite a few feet. The next day she quickly put her wellies on and rushed me outside to build a snow man...Our little Dartmoor town looked so beautiful in white!...My partner had to take the next day off work due to the roads. So it was a wonderful extra few days together. It was wonderful to look at it from the window and be all snug by the fire...It really was 'The beasty from the Easty'...Sophia said it sounds like a childs fairytale. 
I have been enjoying floral blooms to cheer my home...My bright bit of sunshine on the stormy views outside.
I hope you all made it safely home in the Winter skies?...I think most people are starting to get back to normal routines? . Sophia is celebrating World Book Day today (as they missed out on it due to the school being closed last week) ~ She is Sophie from the BFG.

x   K a z z y   x

Friday, 2 February 2018

'Making Winter' days count...

Its now February and That feeling of  'one step' closer to Spring is uplifting my daily thoughts...
Although, the rain still seems quite heavy and skies heavy with dark clouds I am noticing a few more sunnier moments. We seem to get the sun in brief, small segments but it is a very warm welcome to see it if only for half an hour or so...The rain has poured and poured over January and our steep, hilly flint steps behind the cottage are risky to climb up towards the hilly part of the garden. I have to be very careful. My partner went up a few months back and slipped, he was badly bruised. Sprinkling grit or salt helps!~ but that is not always close to hand.
Anyway, once you're up there its a lovely peaceful haven...Everything rather battered from storms, gales and rain fall but there beneath in the bare branches are signs of crocuses, daffodil shoots and on the walled garden side the yellow primrose is peeping her sunny head through the long grass.  I notice the apple tree's are starting to show signs of growth too...Its all rather exciting!...Small snippets of Spring!...As I type this the Sun is bursting through wet clouds and things seem instantly uplifting. Its these small but significant signs of life that make me revel in the 'joy' of the seasons.  The winter too has its beauty...I have to keep telling myself this on the soaked through school runs...
Just before Christmas I treated myself to the book 'Making Winter' by Emma Mitchell. 'A creative guide to surviving the winter months'...The seasons have always played a huge part in my daily happiness. Often that is the first thing I will search for to give me joy on a bleak day...Nature, walking and a posy of flowers in my home cheer my days.My life is so much different these past years~ I'm in truly happy position with a wonderful, kind hearted partner who is also my best friend and enjoys nature and walks like I do. But I was a single mother with a tiny baby and lived alone for 8 years!, Although I always made the best of my situation and have great memories of that time with it at times I had real deep loneliness, depression and anxiety.  My coping mechanism was walking and enjoying the changing seasons...It gave me and my daughter hope, joy and happiness and even good health. I would take my camera and we would loose ourselves in the Devon landscape for hours...listening to birds and stopping for picnics deep in the woods. I owe so much to the natural beauty of life and what it offers you. 
So the book 'Making Winter'  really does speak volumes to me...Also its full of lovely creative ideas.
You must also check out her wonderful blog 'silverpebble' and her instagram account @silverpebble2 ...I've followed her blog for quite a few years...Emma is a silver clay jewellery maker too~ she makes beautiful silver nature related makes. I also love her drawings from nature. Very inspiring!. Also two of the many lovely blogs i've been following for years,  Lucy from 'Attic24' blog and  'Tales from a happy house' blog have been showing there uplifting, winter making...
I have been pushing myself more and more to keep drawing...That is another positive in my day to keep creative. I have been busy with various pen and ink drawings. And also have had them printed and two framed for up and coming Spring fairs/artists market. 


The super ' blue ' moon looked amazing last night...sadly my better camera lense is playing up...so most of my piccy's come from my phone these days...So I couldn't get a good shot of the moon.





x  x      K a z z y     x  x



Monday, 22 January 2018

Cosy, colourful days of January...


Oh' these days of January can seem long and bleak...
Finding the colour in the simple, little, daily pleasures cheers my soul...
Myself and My love went for a wonderful walk (almost 8 miles)...The rain came down in a light mist most of the way and it was quite muddy down by the river bank and through the woodlands...Snowdrops, new green shoots of daffodils, primroses and camellias covered the grassy bank and amongst the hedgerow and that gave me great comfort of new life and that Spring is just around the corner.


When we climbed the woody, muddy path towards the national trust property called Cotehele house we sat near the river Tamar just below the property. We were good we didnt give into the sight of other's enjoying cream teas...We carried on walking past the Autumn coloured reed beds and an old bridge crossed the road and back towards the woods from the opposite direction...slow up hill climb...I sat by a trickling stream when we reached near half way point to catch my breath and take in the smell of the woodlands and the sweet song of the birds.


By the time we walked back down the path ways and towards the river the light was beginning to fade...
Quite a magical, calm and spiritual feel on the quiet walk back to the car...The smell of wood smoke from the river cottage...a distant sound of a dog barking in th woods.
I love breathing in the atmosphere and having a glimpse into cosy cottage windows as we pass by...On the side of the path is Potter's home and its lovely to see what they have created each time we visit.
Back towards the village where we park is a lovely gallery (not open again until march) we peer through the gallery window and admire wonderful lino print landscapes and clay bears with jumpers...


Keep cosy,

x  x  K a z z y   x x




Thursday, 18 January 2018

January...

And then January suddenly approaches and the New year begins.
waving good bye to 2017 and looking back at the good things it gave...


For a few years now Ive decided not to start the year with New year promises/lists...I find taking each day as it comes suits me better. And if I do something I'm proud of its a lovely surprise instead. 
This year has started with a little 'growing up' and 'accepting' certain things. One huge step is Sophia as it will be her last primary school year and after the Summer she will begin Secondary school. I guess the 'accepting' the change and 'growing up' is the bit I am slowly getting my head around. I know Its not quite what I had in plan for her with the school choice, but she has decided to go to a school that is close to her father and that is her 1st choice secondary school.  I know I will still see her and I'm still her mother...and a part of me feels awfully selfish to even think she should want what I want. So it is a slow process of getting my head and heart to 'accept' change and change that is good its just taking me a while to get that into focus. She is Confident, Bright, very intelligent and has always seemed grown up for her years. We had a very big discussion a few months back, there were tears, arguments and huge hugs...But we talked and talked it through, I listened and she listened...I told her my worries, anxiety and love for her...and she gave me her opinions, needs and wants...It is Soooo important to talk to your children. I learnt how much she has grown up. And she knows all I want is the best for her.  I know she knows what is best for her and her future career path. I do trust her thought process and know she did not come to her decision lightly.  But it almost feels like she will be flying the nest as so to speak. I will not see her as much in the week days...due to travel arrangements/distance. I guess when they are 17 years and off to college you have time to prepare?! But, she is 11 years and will be almost 12 in September. It will be hard for me to let her go....I am struggling with this part (we still have a few months before her school choice is sent out).  
I guess that's why I am taking each day as it comes...Not putting to much pressure on myself. I think I have to give myself time to process everything without too much worry/anxiety. Motherhood is a very huge learning curve. But I do believe in the fact that not everything goes as planned and sometimes 'change' is good and things will work out well in the end (that's me trying to be positive anyway!?).

On the note of January blues...I try to fill my home with as many floral happy's as possible. We have had sooooo much rain...it can feel gloomy out there. But I find as long as I can see flowers I feel I can survive the grey outside. The gales have caused the garden to look thread bare and unloved. I had a bonfire a few nights back and it was lovely to sit out looking up at the stars on a very clear and calm night before the storm showers arrived. 

A belated 'Happy New year 2018',

x  K a z z y  x


Friday, 15 December 2017

Dartmoor Snow...


A Winter's scene greeted us up on the hilly landscape of Dartmoor...
It was quite a beautiful sight~ Snow makes even the most boring of objects beautiful. I love seeing it as its quite a rare sight down here in Devon. We have had some amazing pink skies followed by lots of heavy hale showers and a very small dusting of snow in our little town. But when you drive 5 mins from our cottage you reach the snow flurry hills. Princetown saw quite lot of snow...but over the week it has melted. 
Sophia made the most of it after school...

Sophia had her Christmas party and looked sweet all dressed up next to our christmas tree.

x     K a z z y     x